|
Balancing
Work & Family
at Henderson CC
 IMAGINE
YOU were asked to draw a heart on the board and put inside
the heart a photo of the one, single person you love most
in your life. Whose photo will you put in it -your children
or your wife?
The tricky part of this exercise is that you are not allowed
to put all the photos of the family inside the heart.
Interestingly, Mr John Ooi, guest speaker of the first series
of parenting talks organised by the Family Enrichment Society,
explained that having your wife’s photograph inside
will affect immensely the well being of your children.
John, father of six, is a veteran speaker and writer on
parenting and family issues. He gave the talk on “How
to Balance Work & Family” on 22 September 2001
at the Henderson Community Club. He laced his presentation
with a generous dose of humour, and that helped in creating
an informal and relaxed feel to the whole event.
The reasons given by the participants for coming to the
talk were various yet crucial. A first time mother was there
to gain ‘tips on parenting’, while another participant
wanted to know ‘how to be less stressed while balancing
work and family life’. Another parent wished to know
“how to work without feeling guilty”.
Need for clarity in one's roles & goals in life
John said that the main cause of the lack of balance in
work and family life was the lack of clarity about one’s
roles and goals in life. Finding out about the key roles,
which one plays, is often not easy.
It requires self-understanding, which can only come about
after a sincere self-examination and drawing upon one’s
sense of mission and vision. Having identified one’s
roles, the next crucial step would be to plan and set goals
in relation to the roles. He said that the goals need not
be ambitious, but could even be as simple as ‘goals
for your family this week, as a spouse and as a parent.’
He emphasised the need to distinguish between urgent matters,
and important ones. Important matters would be those that
have great consequences in our lives, our major goals or
on our key relationships. Because we have a fixed amount
of time each day, time for important things must necessarily
come from the unimportant. This requires that we say no,
even to good but unimportant things.
He pointed out the importance of ‘hanging out’
or ‘dating’ for parents, without the presence
of children, once in a while. This time for ‘dating’
should not undermine the love and affection we have towards
our children; in fact it could amplify it. It could be a
time to discuss intimately about the upbringing of children,
and to renew the marital relationship.
Develop ‘family systems’
To use time more efficiently, John recommended that
we develop a ‘system’ at home that turns activities
or situations into regular routines. For ‘family systems’
to be effective, we have to understand our children’s
needs and their stages of development.
He offered pointers such as clarifying responsibilities
and expectations and communicating these to our children,
teaching them and overseeing them, setting out rules to
be followed, monitoring performance, and providing feedback.
To take a simple example. John would restrict his eldest
daughter in the use of the Internet for only 15 minutes
on a weekday and 30 minutes on a weekend. This is on condition
that the daughter has passed the inspection of her bedroom
by his wife.
In closing his presentation, John said that the strength
to be a good parent often comes from within oneself, support
and encouragement from the spouse and from a relationship
with God.
|
